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have you ever thought to notice
how songs never sound the same, and
while the metronomes and whispers hold their own,
the first time will always be the best, or
have i got it wrong?

sitting in my self-contained container,
you brush beside my troubled thoughts
and once more it is over.

a million thousand glances and
a thousand million tears
but, as they say,
the first cut is the deepest, and
you would be happy to hear
this poem is not about you.

more so, it is about the way
a bee looks from outside the jar, and
the way your fingers are too busy
painting stardust music notes
to wrap around my own.

no, you see, what im trying to say is,
everything i do
is more fun when i have you
to do it with me, and
i wish i could learn every
thought you’ve ever had.

now shed a single tear and pour me another cup, for
now we come across a true conundrum.
the word ‘you’ was never plural.
so read again and it will be clear
there lies the real heartbreak.
©2009 ~hippykilt
:iconhippykilt:

Author's Comments

ehhhh its been a while since ive put something on deviantart...
im pretty happy with this, but the fifth stanza bugs me a bit. ah well...
BTW i am incredibly moody right now, so this poem is a little more...morbid...than stuff i usually write. whatever.
enjoy! feedback please!

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:iconourformerselves:
I really, really like this. There are a couple of weak spots, but there are also some really strong bits that completely make up for it. The fourth stanza is my personal favorite.

I don't really understand it, but I don't feel like I'm meant to. It conveys a mood much more than a message, and I actually like that. It reads like it was written by someone much older than you.

Overall, great job.

--
"There is a time to stop reading, there is a time to stop trying to write, there is a time to kick the whole bloated sensation of art out on its whore-ass..."

Charles Bukowski
:iconhippykilt:
wow, thank you so much! the fourth stanza is my favorite too :)

--
"Pain is inevitable: suffering is optional"

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April 21
1.2 KB

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